I just heard the news that the brilliant photographer Mary Ellen Mark has passed away, at the age of 75.
I am so saddened to hear this. I met Mary Ellen long ago, when she photographed me for a story I wrote in GQ magazine about a week that I spent walking around New York City disguised as a man. (Yes, those are her photos, and yes, that's me.) We had an amazing day together. She was funny, vibrant, engaged, and wildly excited about her work. She chatted with delight about all the projects she was working on, all her travels, and all she wanted to do next. It was a really important encounter for me, to meet a female artist in her 60's who had dedicated her entire life to courageous creativity, and who still got such joy from her work.
I was at a turning point in my own life — on the verge of leaving my marriage, feeling chaotic and confused and lost. One of my biggest uncertainties was about whether I should become a mother or not. This was during a time when I asked every woman I met about their choices regarding children, so of course I asked Mary Ellen, too. The question usually stimulated long conversations, and complicated answers.
Not this time.
I said to the great Mary Ellen Mark, "Do you have kids?"
She popped her head out from behind the camera, silver braids swinging, silver jewelry jangling. She looked at me with that gorgeous, lined, lived-in, intelligent face and then said cheerfully, "Nope! Never had 'em, never missed 'em!"
Then she went back to taking photos, and talking about photos.
And that was literally all she had to say about the subject of children.
For me, at that moment in my life, to meet a woman of her age who appeared to have ZERO internal conflict about her childlessness, and who loved her creative work SO much, even after all these years...well.
It was a revolutionary moment for me.
I had this thought: "Oh my god! That could be ME someday! That could be ME!"
If you're wondering what I'm staring at so hard in both these pictures, I'm staring at the woman on the other end of the camera — a woman who was amazing and inspiring to me, and who, in just that moment, was opening up my mind. If you're wondering what I was thinking, I was thinking, "My life is full of possibilities, after all..."
I loved meeting you, Mary Ellen Mark. You were important to me. Bless you for your amazing work, for your beautiful life, for your gorgeous joy and success as an artist, and, most of all, for your contentment and freedom as a woman.
Safe passage,
LG
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